My Beautiful Tribe
It definitely does not mean that I think I’m better than anyone else. It does not mean that I think other people are wrong. It does not mean that I’m not good enough just because it feels to me at the time, like I don’t fit in. There is nothing wrong with me, or the many folk I come in touch with along my journey.
It is just an old thought pattern or behaviour.
Today I felt the need to remember that: It’s ok to be different.
A old thought pattern that I’ve now become aware of, that’s been playing quietly in the background of my mind, is that if I feel uncomfortable when I’m around others, there is something wrong with me, something I need to change to fit in, to stop the uncomfortableness that I’m feeling.
But guess what?
All I needed was to remember.
I’ve gone inside this morning, breathed into my heart and become still, I’ve let any thoughts that came to mind float through my mind like clouds, not attaching to any of the random thoughts that just keep popping up.
I found stillness, which means I was present in the moment. My inner guidance reminded me of a book that I had read years ago, a book that had a big impact on how I saw and reacted to others. A book that set me free in many situations I found myself in and when I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
The book is “The Four Agreements”, written by Don Miguel Ruiz.
This book and its agreements is what I’d like to share in my blog today. Because today, this was what I needed to be reminded about.
“The Four Agreements”, gives four principles to practice in order to create love and happiness in your life. Adopting and committing to these agreements is simple. Actually living and keeping these Four Agreements can be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It can also be one of the most life changing things you will ever do.
As you practise living these four agreements your life will dramatically change. In the beginning these new habits will be challenging and you will lapse countless times. My last few days are an example of that. With practice these agreements become integrated into your being and every area of your life and become easy habits to keep.
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
Being impeccable with our word is big.
First, let’s look at the word impeccability: Impeccability means ‘without sin’. Impeccable comes from the Latin pecatus, which means ‘sin’. The prefix ‘im’ means ‘without’, so impeccable means ‘without sin’. Religions talk about sin and sinners, but let’s understand what it really means to sin. A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against your true self is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against your true self. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.
So when we’re impeccable, we don’t use our word against ourselves indulging in guilt or shame. We also don’t use our word against others in blaming, criticizing or gossiping. We also honour our commitments and only make commitments we intend to follow through on.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… When I see you on the street and say, ‘Hey, you are so stupid,’ without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid.
There is one recurring, persistent, and personal problem which, more than any other, steals the power and peace of people. It is the habit of feeling hurt, because of what others do or do not do and what they say or do not say.
Nothing other people do or do not do is because of you, it is because of them.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.
We need to always do our best if we want to bring the other three agreements alive.
And, of course, sometimes we’ll be *totally* on and our best will be rock star rockin’ and other times we might be a little tired and our best won’t be quite as good. It’s all good.
“The first step toward personal freedom is awareness. We need to be aware that we are not free in order to be free. We need to be aware of what the problem is in order to solve the problem.” I love that!
How can you change something you don’t know needs changing? This morning I had to become aware that I’d fallen into an old pattern to then become aware and tap into remembering I’m responsible for how I feel, no one can make me feel anything unless I allow it, including old patterns of behaviour that we know don’t serve us any more.
I’m now feeling empowered and free. I remembered to check in with me, listened to my inner guidance and took action, which led me to remembering reading Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “The Four Agreements”. If you haven’t already, give it a read. It’s life changing.
As you practise living these four agreements your life will dramatically change. In the beginning and sometimes further along your journey, like me over the last few days, these new habits will be challenging and you will lapse countless times. With practice these agreements become integrated into your being and every area of your life and become easy habits to keep.
“If you want to live a life of joy and fulfilment, you have to find the courage to break those patterns that are fear-based and claim your personal power.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Be Your Own Kind Of Beautiful