Hope in Uncertain times
Just breathing that word in makes me feel lighter. I have to have hope that everything will turn out for the best for me and my family, that I can turn the challenges around. You see, as human beings all any of us want is to be seen, heard and validated. Bless our beautiful hearts. Seen, heard and validated. It’s not much to ask. You see, I’ve not been ok with feeling dis-heartened and sad. Even though I’ve lost my job, I’m struggling financially, a friend I care deeply about is not a part of my life any more, I don’t always know what’s the best thing to do as a parent. I wanted this part of me to get a grip, stop the nonsense. I kept telling myself I’m a life coach for God’s sake, you have the tools to deal with this. It didn’t stop the sadness, which attracted the fear. The fear of the unknown.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” – Desmond Tutu
In my last post I mentioned I’d been involved in a self esteem workshop. I came away from there knowing there were so many different parts to me; the good, the bad and the ugly, and I needed to love them all. Yet I still didn’t feel like I was back to my happy self. I’d completely run myself down. I’ve been taking spoonfuls of molasses several times a day because I’m lacking iron in my body, which didn’t help with my motivation.
Through the meditations I’ve started to activate hope within me again. You see, when you’ve been triggered, like I’d been, it’s helpful to stop and go inside, ask questions, to be in the moment without judgement. You get to know yourself a little bit better. I’d been finding this really challenging. Sure, I’m now aware of some of the choices I’d made. A better understanding of why I’d been holding on to a relationship that wasn’t equally fulfilling to all involved. Fear, plain and simple. Scary shit, let me tell you. I’m 47 years old. All my family live in England, a world away from my home in New Zealand. My teenage son who I love dearly is doing his teenage thing, which does not involve mum, unless he needs a taxi. At times I could worry myself to death on parenting. What is the right thing to do??? But this stage is happening, whether I like it or not. Whether I have my own stuff to deal with or not.
I learned that hope is an intrinsic part of who I am, like love and compassion in my heart. But to make hope a real and powerful force in my life, I need to activate it with self-awareness. Once genuine hope is ignited, it can transform reality and eradicate fear and uncertainty. But hope is not effective if we do not believe in our self or have inner trust.
What I do know and see with my own eyes is the sunrise everyday. No two look the same, which to me is Mother Earth saying, “Today is a new beginning”. Make of it what you will. Same choices as yesterday? Or choose to do differently today? Either way you are in the drivers seat.
“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” – Bernard Williams
I thought I’d had a few bad months, but I hadn’t. I looked after myself with loving kindness because I’m the only one who can. I gave myself permission. Permission and validation. My son is facing challenges of his own. I don’t have a job. Someone I loved deeply is not in my life any more. Doesn’t matter why. What matters is that I acknowledge I have worry and concern. I’m still hurting and sad. It doesn’t mean I want to change that, that’s been tried and tested. It means for now, I have to reach out for support for my son. I’m not over the loss. When my mind judges these emotions to be wrong, I’m fighting against myself. Even in the midst of doubt and uncertainty, we always have within us the creative capacity to meet the situation and make use of it for our personal development and growth.
Connecting to hope and feeling the courage to change is the only way to follow my dreams. Change is scary. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Challenges come up everyday that overwhelm us, as teenagers, as adults, as parents. Self-doubt and fear in the face of uncertainty can paralyse us and blind us to the opportunities for growth and new possibilities.
I must have hope and courage to make the changes. Changes are threatening to most of us and moving into the unknown is scary. It seems we all want change but fear the unknown. The real question is, how to guide change with the best outcome? Habits are deeply ingrained and we can’t change what we don’t notice. When I recognised that my fear and anxiety were based on past disappointments, I became free, hopeful, and fearless.
To extend our life to the fullest, we must give our attention to what’s happening in the moment. It takes discipline. You have to give your full attention to it, all senses turned to this moment. We only need to be the presence of awareness for renewal. Renewal is happening all the time in nature. It can only happen in the now. To say I’ll get to it tomorrow doesn’t work because we make choices out of habit and old patterns/conditions.
Everyone has the power for greatness. If I want to shine my light to help others, effectively, I must first be vulnerable and willing to open up and share my fears, reaching out through my posts/blog with no expectation. My hope is connection, with like minded souls. I believe that is the spark that will light up the Earth. For me to be a beacon of Hope I have to have no agenda. Because when I come from the level of ego, which seeks the approval of others, I set myself up for failure. I need to live that spark of hope, to rise above the ego self. I first have to offer hope, love and encouragement. I need to live the change, to let others know that hope is possible. I have to escape the box I’ve put myself in. My greatest Joy right now is being in Nature, being grateful. The root of hope lives in all of us. I want to share my sparks of hope. Hope is activated in the present moment. Present moment experiences are my true self. Allowing myself to be present is more effective for me to be hopeful, compassionate and to love. I’ve been loving taking photos, inspiring myself day after day, knowing I’m blessed… Yes, I’ve still got the negative going on, but every day I’m noticing a difference within myself. The challenges are happening anyway. If I’m not loving, compassionate and accepting of all of them, I suffer.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world”- Mahatma Gandhi
I’d like to say thank you for all the positive feedback. I’m delighted that you find my blogs inspiring. What I’ve mostly been sharing with you feels really uncomfortable and I’ve felt for months now dis-heartened, vulnerable and alone. But that’s not true. What has become my chaos has become inspiration for others. I really appreciate your comments and value your support. Please keep the comments coming. Please keep sharing my posts with your friends.
Love and kindness